Life. Unraveling. Life.: Random Thoughts of the Week ...

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Random Thoughts of the Week ...

How can one day be so bad (Meltdown Monday) and the next day be so good?? I'm very happy today is Tuesday! (just say NO to anti-nausea drugs with wild side effects!!)
How do friends just "know" the RIGHT time to do something special for you??
Why do they keep the TV in the Radiation waiting room on "Curling"?? If I wanted to listen to a bunch of women yell & scream at each other, throw things on the floor and then sweep up after them ... I would go to Ranchmans Bar on a Friday night! :)
Why is there a life-sized painted cow in the waiting room in the Radiation Unit? (more on that later)
Why do I have to take metamucil, a laxative and immodium ... all at the same time?? Do 3 wrongs make a right?? :)
My hair is getting dry and brittle .... effects of chemo? Or just Alberta winter air?? dunno ..

and ...

how is it possible to feel so lucky while in a situation such as I'm in?? (I really do!)

3 comments:

AnonymousFebruary 11, 2010 at 11:41 AM
Okay, maybe they show the curling because the people in the waiting room would really like to "yell & scream at each other, throw things on the floor"! Sweeping up, that's just Canajans being polite. - Suzan Z.
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AnonymousFebruary 11, 2010 at 11:42 AM
Why do I have to take metamucil, a laxative and immodium ... all at the same time?? Do 3 wrongs make a right?? :)
Seems like one side has more players than the other! Suzan Z. (again)
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AnonymousFebruary 13, 2010 at 6:33 PM
Hope next week is better. By the way just wanted to say that the picture at the top is so inspiring.

Why do they have cows on the ceiling?????

If I heard one more Hurry Hard on TV , you would have needed to give me the metamucil, a laxative and immodium (which seems counter productive to the first 2.) Jean
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Daily Happiness - one snippet at a time

My quest to find amazing things in every day!
There is so much more to life than a cancer diagnosis. :)

Mar 10th: A card from Peg (and team Zeibart) filled with dog hair!! That made me laugh all day! :)
Mar 9th: I'm shedding so much skin now (in the radiation zone) that if I save it I'll have enough to make a pair of shoes ... or a belt! hummmmm ... should I? ;)
Mar 8th: All I'm eating is simple sugars these days -- what if I start to like this crap and grow to 400lbs after treatments stop? LOL
Mar 7th: I overdid it on Saturday and spent all day Sunday in bed. I'm struggling to find a snippet of happiness in that ... but at least I had the option of staying home in bed all day. :)
Mar 6th: an amazing day to spend in the mountains! Thanks girls. :)
Mar 6th: snuck in late to the Calgary GSP dinner and pretended not to be sick. :)
Mar 3rd: Sunny and +12C today (54F) ... how have I managed to have 6 weeks of gorgeous weather during my planning and treatment?? - in Calgary, in the middle of winter?!! Incredible. The weather gods have been on my side on this one. :)
Mar 3rd: UPS man (this time I was clothed!) brought me a fun surprise from Saar ... a Kindle! Yay, another gadget to go through airport security with (blackberry, laptop, pocket digi camera, SLR camera, iPod and now the Kindle!) - who says that I'm not a gadget chick?? :) Thanks Saar, I can't wait to load books on it. :)
Mar 2nd: HUGS in the mail from Deb! Hersey's Hugs ... So sweet and so thoughtful. :) Thank you, Deb!

Good news from the ENT oncologist - the strange symptoms don't appear to be to a head or neck cancer! Most likely related to the facial/neck injuries I had at the hands of a drunk driver 23 yrs ago. whew!
Mar 1st: One month since treatment started - where does time go??! The funniest news of the day was learning that Mark (radiation team) missed the Canada/US gold medal game -- because he was playing "daddy daycare" and forgot that the game was on early! I think he's the only person in Canada who missed the game - but at least it was for his kids. :)
Feb 28th: Vancouver Olympics - GREAT job Canada! I'm always proud to be Canadian but so much more so today!
Feb 26: The END of week #4! A little celebratory dinner with Tammy, Lin and entertainment provided by 3 yr old Qiana. She never fails to both make me laugh, and to make me appreciate that I'm a god mother and not a real mother! :)

Special thanks to Lin for flying in and spending this "trying" week with me. You really helped make it all so much more tolerable ... and a little more fun! :) And we had lobster for dinner! I'm not sure it's on the prescibed menu for cancer patients ... but wow! was it good! :)
Feb 25: Some better news from Dr Wilson today (radiation oncologist) - there should be no change of prognosis with the cancellation of chemo this week. woohoo!
Feb 25: MaryAnn and Kaye ... awesome little surprise in the mail today - you guys made me cry! Thank you!
Feb 25: Great "pick me up" call from Michelle ... thanks darlin' you made my day! Can't wait to see you, Dave and the girls this summer. :)
Feb 24: Canada finally kicks some medal butt at the Olympics!
Feb 23: No chemo today. It's a bad thing and also a good thing. I'm feeling ok(ish) with it. Bought some "Anti Monkey Butt" itch powder with Lin today -- it was so worth the laughs!
Feb 22: best quote ever! (from my friend Deb) ...

"I am thinking of you and praying for your white cells and platelets to go forth and multiply!!!"

Feb 21: a great afternoon with Lin, Davis and Marilyn at Mercado. Glorious weather - amazing friends!
Feb 21: Note to self: "don't watch Bucket List in the middle of chemo treatment"!
Feb 20: a glorious trip to Banff for the day! Lunch at Banff Springs Hotel couldn't have been better. :)
Feb 19: END OF WEEK #3! Oh crap, was that TODAY?? :)
Feb 18: Lin arrived! yippee! yahoo! :) So wonderful to have great friends visit. :)
Feb 17: Got my hair cut short but happiness is ...having Al tell me that I'm not losing any so far. Does getting rid of the blonde, also mean getting rid of the "Blonde moments" in my life?
Feb 16: Painting Qiana's room 2 gorgeous shades of purple and hearing her squeal with delight at the sight of her new room! Priceless!
Feb 15: making Nadeen and Siobhan laugh & cry with my silly blogging! It's heartwarming to know that people read it and are affected, in a good way, by it.
Feb 14: Alexandre Bilodeau winning GOLD in men's Moguls! I'm very proud to be a Canadian with that young man representing us a nation.
Feb 13: Me, myself and Ice Cream! Eggos and ice cream for breakfast ... because, well, ya know ... I have to keep my weight up! :)
Feb 12: Laughing with Simon and Naomi about the deforestation of Brazil! :) Thanks for the new batch of gourmet food - I am SO spoiled! PS: my doctor wrote me a prescription for 3 yrs of Naomi's awesome cooking. ;)
Feb 12: END OF WEEK 2!! woohoo!
Feb 12: Maya and Pam ... so good to see you - I can't believe how much I've missed you guys!
Feb 11: Marilyn G for tracking me down in the hospital and surprising me with a BIG hug as I entered the radiation centre! So awesome to see you!
Feb 11: Shannon in radiation wearing heart antenna's - too cute. They all loved the valentine cupcakes I took to the Unit.
Feb 10: Globefish Suchi with Shae ... the chopstick episode is enough to make me smile for years to come. :D
Feb 10: new Blackberry Bold 9700. woohoo. 2 yrs is too long to go without a new crackberry toy!
Feb 9: thanks Jorinda for playing along with me and flirting with the guy who gave us his table! Bonus! I'm still able to both flirt and drink wine. :)
Feb 9: picking on Mark (radiation tech) about his "driving" ... we're getting lots of mileage out of that one. :)
Feb 9: Marilyn. Just because.
Feb 8: Meltdown Monday - hummmm ... hugs and helpful friends!
Feb 7: Awesome organic oranges direct from California - courtesy of Janna! Thank you - such a sweet (and juicy!) gift!!
Feb 6: making fun cakes with Shae!
Feb 5: The Fedex guy surprised me with a parcel from Lin ... but I surprised him by jumping from the tub and answering the door wrapped in a towel! I think the poor, young guy will be embarassed for years! :)
Feb 4: Lisa, one of the wonderful radiation techs, has her head shaved. She does it for her patients. How beautiful is that??
Feb 3: Double doorbells ...gorgeous flowers from Lin and then from Greg! incredible. Thank you! :)
Feb 1: Day 1 of chemo ... Shae came to stay and we had a blast making dinner and being "normal". :)
Jan 31: Rhonda had a "hat day" party for me! NatGeog Buff's are awesome and the wigs are too much fun! Thanks for making me laugh. :)
Jan 31: My favourite quote of the day "It's the Chinese New Year of the Tiger this month...a propitious symbol for you indeed. May the Tiger Spirit in you intensify 1000-fold!" ~ thanks so much Sherri!
Jan 30: had so much fun shaving Simon's head ... his very visible display of support for me. Incredible!
Jan 29: Took Shae on her fishing trip! She's now the proud owner of a real live "Sushi".
Jan 28: a great catch up with Paul on my new business venture
Jan 28: Awesome moral support from Florida ... thank you Brian!
Jan 28: Naomi brought gourmet food -- I'll be the only person to gain weight during chemo! Too awesome.
Jan 27: Buying clothes for Qiana - always brings a smile!
Jan 26: A huge surprise in the mail from my SIL Helen! Thanks Helen ... you made me cry in a good way.
Jan 26: Great news from the doctors today. :) Thanks Tam for being there with me! You are the best!
Jan 24: Movie day with Jorinda - "A Single Man" - GO SEE IT!
Jan 23: A great snowy day with Tammy & Q. :)
Jan 22: Dinner with Davis and Marilyn ... great company and conversation - thanks!
Jan 22: Networking with Bridget and Gena. Wow! what a great morning.

This Cancer. My Cancer.

My cancer – Just the facts M’am!:

This cancer is officially known as SCC Anal – Squamous Cell Carcinoma of the Anal canal. That’s right ... Ass Cancer! (my mom hates it when I call it that. But so what? LOL It makes it easier to joke about. :)) Not the most pleasant thing to talk about but it’s rare, hard to detect and usually discovered in late stages with a poor prognosis when discovered late.

You might say to yourself, “squamous cell carcinoma”, isn’t that skin cancer? Well, yes it is. And as a visible skin cancer it’s quite easy to treat and very curable. But leave it me to get “skin cancer where the sun don’t shine!”

Isn’t that what Farrah Fawcett died of? Yes. Farrah had this same cancer. Actually, that makes it much easier to talk about ... but also more tragic in reality. Sadly, she declined standard protocol for this cancer and she went to Germany for some alternate, herbal therapy that allowed her cancer to progress to Stage 4 which metastasized to her liver and ultimately killed her. Farrah made a fatal mistake. I won’t do the same.

How did I get this?? Isn’t this cancer associated with HIV, HPV and smoking? Yes, those are all risk factors for this cancer. No, I am not gay, I don’t have HIV, nor do I have HPV (but I may well have been exposed to it at some point in life and never known it) and no, I don’t practice deviant sexual behaviour (sorry to disappoint! LOL). And no, I have never smoked – but my father was a 3-pack per day guy and died at age 45 of a heart attack. I don’t have any risk factors for any cancer, let alone this one! As my GI specialist says “sometimes shit just happens”. Lucky me. Parent’s – VACCINATE your children with Guardasil to help prevent cancers such as this and the related cervical cancer!!

“If you can get brain cancer from talking on a cell phone ... did I get ass cancer from wearing a thong!??” ;)

What is the treatment? 6 weeks of chemoradiation –c alled the Nigro protocol. This is concurrent chemo and radiation where the chemo acts simply as a turbo booster for the radiation. It enhances the effectiveness of the radiation to eradicate any remaining cancer cells. Treatment starts on Feb 1 (close enough to Ground Hog Day!) and goes until mid March – with an ultimate goal of staying healthy enough to complete treatment without interruption. 6 more weeks of winter ... and then spring arrives.

IMRT (Intensity Modulated Radiation Therapy) is a new type of radiation that varies the amount of radiation delivered to the cancer site, to help best protect the non-affected areas while maintaining the efficacy of the overall treatment. By using this type of treatment, my hip joints, urinary tract and other organs should be spared from permanent damage caused by the radiation beams. It’s sort of like wrapping the ends of the turkey legs in tinfoil so they don’t get overcooked! (metaphors rule the world, don’t they??):)

The effects of chemo and radiation continue long after the treatment stops and apparently the 8 weeks following the treatment will be some of my worst days. Metaphorically - “April showers bring May flowers”. :)

Will I lose my hair? Probably not. Well, not my head hair! :D Or as Brian says "you may not be in Peru but at least you'll have a Brazilian!"

But my friend (awesome friend extraordinaire!) Simon will! Simon is shaving his head in an amazing show of solidarity for me. And while some of my bald friends (!) have offered to do the same thing ... Simon is not bald and has an affection for his hair in the way that most women do! This is big! ... and I appreciate it so much.

What are the side-effects? As the doctors all say “each person is different and the side effects vary in degree across everyone”. At a minimum, I will suffer the standard nausea, fatigue, diarrhea, mouth sores, severe radiation burns to my lower abdomen, genitals and butt. Radiation will also destroy my ovaries (no kids for me, darn!), loss of sexual function and it will severely reduce my ability to produce bone marrow. I don’t really care about the side-effects because they are a far better choice than the only other alternative – full removal of my lower GI track and the permanent use of a colostomy bag. As Dr Wong says “99.9% of patients choose chemo-radiation treatment”!

What is the prognosis? Well, again this varies. But in my case, I’m pretty sure I’m already cured! :) The global rates are about 60% disease-free survival and about 80% overall survival but this can vary significantly with staging and treatment. I’m very lucky to only be stage 2 and to have the best treatment possible. My prognosis is WAY better than 60%!

Graffiti - the Amazing Diagnostician

They say (“the infamous, unnamed, unaccountable “they” who are responsible for so much folklore and urban myth” but whoever “they” are .. they are undeniably wise!), that dogs can detect cancer in people long before it’s evident to us or even to the doctors.

It was mid July 2009 and my life was its normal hectic self. I was winding down my relationship with my company and I felt good about getting out of a “job” that wasn’t challenging for me because my soul was not in it. I had just committed to helping a fledgling “clean tech” group kick off a new book , and I was planning on taking a year off to figure my life out (spending at least 6 months in Peru to work some of my friends I had made there earlier this year) and kick-start myself into starting my own new business.

It was July 14^th and as I headed into the kitchen to let the dogs out and make coffee, I couldn’t find Graffiti. It’s actually not that unusual to have to go find him to make him go out in the morning – he is definitely NOT a morning dog! But I found him at the bottom of the basement stairs unable (unwilling) to stand up. He had a panic-stricken look on his face ... as if he didn’t know which way was up. I carried him (all 70 lbs of him!) up the stairs and outside. He was petrified. I called the vet and took him in right away. Vestibular Neuritis. Some infection of his inner ear that affects balance. On closer look, his eyes were darting back and forth as if watching some imaginary fast-paced ping pong watch without every moving his head, and his head tilted severely to the right. They gave me some antibiotics and said that it should clear up in about 3 weeks.

The very next day I had my first symptom of this cancer.

I discounted it and chalked it up to stress, doing too much ... or maybe just an anomaly.

2 weeks later ...

Graffiti continued to get worse. His coat got brittle and dry and then started falling out like mad! He starting losing weight and his head tilt while quite cute, was not improving. His eyes didn’t align and he seemed to have lost his vision and hearing in the left side.

I got my second set of symptoms of this cancer. But Graffiti was my priority.

My vet counselled me to expect that Graffiti had a brain tumour and to prepare for that inevitability. I was dumb-founded. And horrified. How could that be?? All of this got me thinking of my own health and how I needed to get some answers about me, too.

As I started to get tests and attention on to my own issues, Graffiti started to rally. He started to hear again, he began to eat, he had a bit of spring in his step and he started to wag his tail again!

On the day after my surgery, when I was bed-ridden, Graffiti jumped up onto the bed to snuggle with me! This was a dog that the week previous was unable to walk up or down stairs! Graffiti was effectively cured that day ... and he proclaimed me to be so, as well!

As I continue to get more results and to continue to get better after surgery ... I learned this week that the surgery did, in fact, get all of the tumour and I am currently cancer-free – Graffiti continues to prove that while one of us had cancer – it wasn’t him! He has gained back 10 of the 12 lbs he lost, his head tilt is completely gone, this eyes line up, his hearing and vision are back, his hair is growing back and his tail wags non-stop!

Graffiti knew on Dec 11 that I was cured ... but it took the doctors until Jan 21 to know the same thing!

Graffiti will be with me as I go through the “insurance” of chemo-radiation but I truly believe in the power of DOG! And I truly believe that when Graffiti tells me that I’m cured – I really am!

On a side note: if Graffiti was able to “know” that I was sick with ass cancer and detect it ... does that mean when he goes around sniffing people’s butts (and dog butts) that he is simply giving a free medical test?? :D

Life. Unraveling. Life.

Quote of the Day ...

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Random Thoughts of the Week ...

3 comments:

About Me

Daily Happiness - one snippet at a time

Weird Side Effect Update

This Cancer. My Cancer.

Graffiti and Me

Graffiti - the Amazing Diagnostician

The Summit

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