Well, it was what I believe to be the worst day in my life - I awoke at 2:07am, 3:24am, and finally by 5:02 I couldn’t take it anymore! My legs were vibrating, and I had a deep, dull ache in my calf, I couldn’t sit still, I was uber-hyper, super-charged and feeling like I was going insane. It felt like I had ADHD, Parkinson’s disease and 40 cups of Starbucks – all at the same time!
The first week of chemo/radiation went surprisingly well and by the end of the week the doctor was telling me that I should expect nausea over the weekend and it might be wise to take an anti-nausea medication to prevent it. I was having a dinner party on Saturday so I thought it sounded like a great idea NOT to be nauseous all over my guests! :)
By Sunday evening I wasn’t feeling any nausea but I did feel like I was a bit agitated and slightly “off”. By Monday morning I was ready to commit myself to a round, padded room!
I went to radiation in the afternoon and could barely hold my emotions together or keep my body still. Radiation requires laying PERFECTLY still for about 40 mins and I was in a state where I coudn’t even sit still for 3 seconds. On the radiation table I used every trick in the book ... I meditated, I zoomed away mentally to mountain tops, my favourite forest, my beach in California, cooking with friends but about halfway through treatment I had a full-on claustrophobic, panic attack and it took all my inner strength to not bolt from the table.
Mark, the radiation tech, knew there was something wrong and cut out the imaging portion of my treatment to get me out of there as soon as possible. Bless their hearts, they are wonderful there! I leapt off the table and into the caring arms of an attending nurse. It was wonderful to just get a hug at that moment. Unbelievable. I was a mess.
It turns out that I had a violent reaction to the anti-nausea medication (Stemetil). This drug was originally used as an anti-psychotic and then they discovered the anti-nausea effects of it. Apparently, if you aren’t psychotic and then take it – it turns you psychotic!! They told me not to take any more nausea meds but gave me some Zofran (the Cadillac of meds) to keep on hand in case any nausea hit me later on.
I got home (I still can't believe I drove myself there and back) and I was still a complete basketcase. The doorbell rang 10 mins later and there was a Canada Post delivery girl with a most welcomed surprise from my friend Jean in Sault Ste Marie. Unbelievable timing! It was the most gorgeous furry blanket and other goodies ... I was now a blubbering basketcase and immediately called Jean. You see – Jean is a 2 yr survivor I couldn’t think of a better person to call at that moment and cry my heart out with. She is someone who completely understands and has an impeccable sense of timing. Thank you so much, Jean!
A call from Greg later that evening really turned me around and got me headed the right way into Tuesday. Meltdown Monday was history. Sherpa’s abound ... when the climbing gets tough - thanks Team! :)
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